Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
