we're chasing vodka with high fives
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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