is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
