now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
