She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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