i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We need to get me chipped asap
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
