The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
