He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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