so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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