apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
