The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
