Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
