the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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