why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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