i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
