Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
