i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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