if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
