Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
