should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
worst night to have a conscience
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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