awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
