I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
