So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My vagina is officially offended.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
