Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
