I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
