Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
