Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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