god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
