whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
