Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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