between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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