beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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