I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
