I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
