My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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