Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
