She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
