The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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