I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
