She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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