Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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