never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
