i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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