The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
