Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
