Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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