He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
