I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
