do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
