life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
