i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
