It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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