obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
