You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
