Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
