I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
