She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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