Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
