he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
