I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
