I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just found puke in my bra..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
