Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
