I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
