If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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