Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
