return my video game
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
