I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
