i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
