tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
