She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother