he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You need Xanax blowdarts
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching