he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.