i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...