By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.