I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.