Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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