ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
