you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
