I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
