Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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