Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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